Church Bulletin Bloopers

You may have seen these before through the emails circulating, but many of them made me laugh out loud, so I thought I would share them here....enjoy!!!

• The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.


• The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching For Jesus."


• Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.


• Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.


• The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.


• Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.


• Don't let worry kill you off -- let the Church help.


• Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.


• For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.


• Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.


• The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."


• Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.


• At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.


• Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.


• Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.


• Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.


• The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment, and gracious hostility.
  Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM -- prayer and medication to follow.
• The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
• This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
• Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
• The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
• Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
• The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
• Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
• The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped my Pledge -- Up Yours."