Church Bulletin Bloopers

You may have seen these before through the emails circulating, but many of them made me laugh out loud, so I thought I would share them here....enjoy!!!


  • The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

  • The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching For Jesus."

  • Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

  • Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

  • The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

  • Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

  • Don't let worry kill you off -- let the Church help.

  • Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

  • For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

  • Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

  • The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

  • Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

  • At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

  • Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

  • Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

  • Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

  • The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment, and gracious hostility.
    Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM -- prayer and medication to follow.
  • The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
  • This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
  • Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
  • The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
  • Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
  • The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
  • Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
  • The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped my Pledge -- Up Yours."

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